Friday, 17 September 2010

Pimp Your Pod - The Tyrannis Collection

Further to yesterday's Ship's Crew Debate post, Rixx Javix of Eveoganda has republished his thoughts on the topic. The Pod Captain Debate (Redux) was the blog post that set my mind in motion on the subject several months ago.

I like to think the conclusions I came to in yesterday's article show that the canon entirely supports the capacity for vast differences in the way each capsuleer's ship is designed, organised and run. Although we are unable to visibly customise the exterior of our ships in-game, Rix's original post inspired me to come up with more unusual interior ship configurations. The lore-nazis may crush our inaccuracies, but they'll never take our imaginations.

I'll hand you over to our sales consultant for a brief presentation of our latest range of products.

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Come in, come in.

Welcome to our showroom, I'm glad you had time to stop by. Can I offer you a Quafe cocktail? Here at Freeboot & Green Customisation and Modification we pride ourselves on our hospitality as much as our craftsmanship.

So you've heard about our customised ship interiors have you? No? Well you're welcome to browse through our old stock here, we've got some great deals on the God-Pod and the 'Javix' Soft-Top there. We'll even throw in a Minmatidy Plus free with any purchase.

But for the more discerning starship captain, I'm sure only the newest and the trendiest will do. Am I right? Just walk this way and let me delight you with our latest concepts.


SteriDor 4000
'Clean, green, unseen and mean.'

Maybe you're transporting medical supplies or infected refugees and it's important to maintain a clean and healthy environment throughout the ship. Or perhaps you are a keen planetary industrialist with personnel frequently transferring to-and-from dusty barren planets, damp watery orbs and gassy giants. Don't they always seem to bring half the planet back with them, traipsing their muddy malodorous footprints all over your nice shiny corridors. Are you fed up with dirty crew? Is their stench leaching into your capsule, polluting your personal space? Don't they just wrankle your obsessive-compulsive principles?

Stylish and low-profile units can be retrofitted to any and all ship corridors and atmosphere systems, giving you complete control over the bacterial, viral and microbal background levels in all areas of your vessel. Sophisticated onboard chemical synthesisers can adapt to constantly changing variables maintaining the cleanliness level of your choosing. And if those dirty crews get too much for you, you can crank SteriDor 4000 up to eleven and eradicate all unwanted life.

SteriDor 4000: The final word in sterile environments.

Optional Extras: 'Aromas of the Empire' Scent Pack, Crew Hygiene Scanner, Welcome Mats, Human Biomass Processor


Shiny Happy Capsule
'Just cos you're submerged in goo, doesn't mean you have to be blue.'

Don't you think New Eden is just a bit of a downer sometimes? Are you finding space a bit lonely? Is the endless killing making you sad?

Cheer yourself up with this capsule-integrated holistic therapy suite. Using the latest techniques to enhance your mood, the Shiny Happy Capsule system can respond to your moods by playing soothing sounds and music in your pod, it can stimulate and relax muscle tissue for targeted massage therapy or it can subtly alter your serotonin and dopamine neurotransmitter balance to ensure a consistently happy mood.

Install Shiny Happy Capsule and give your brain a hug.

Optional Extras: Pink fur capsule lining (waterproof), Free Coffee Mug with the slogan 'Mummy Still Loves You Despite the Countless Atrocities'


Custom Pod-Pets: The Sovicou Cave-Snake

Just because you're in a capsule, it doesn't mean you can't catch up with the latest craze straight from the bourgeoisie socialites of Caille. Thoroughbred Sovicou cave-snakes, renowned for their iridescent colouring and their friendly demeanours, are the accessory of the moment on the cat-walks and the high streets of Gallente Prime.

Now, from the finest gene-splicers in the known universe, Freeboot and Green C&M is proud to be the exclusive suppliers of your very own bio-engineered SoviSnake. Cleverly adapted to suit an aquatic environment, little Slinky can swim happily around you in your pod-fluid, providing constant companionship and amusement. Fully amphibious, your SoviSnake will self-clean and be ready for a night out before you've even unplugged.

Optional Extras: Pod-Pet Cloning Contract, Custom tattoos (both owner and pet), Mini-Cave Habitat (pod-installed), Orifice Defenders (recommended).
[SoviSnake Sales are subject to regional licence restrictions. Personal Injury Liability Waiver required.]


Many more designs are available, suited for both capsuleer and regular captains. Please visit one of our holo-showrooms for our full range of customisations.

You can provide customer feedback or submit a concept for our team to tailor exclusively for you by clicking on the 'Post a Comment' option below.

2 comments:

  1. I'll take a whole box load of those "Orifice Defenders"! Yikes. (Funny though, the whole time I was thinking I hope they don't swim there!)

    I love the ideas though, the insides of our ships are territory exclusive to our imaginations, so why not vary the contents?

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  2. Orifice Defenders, I laughed my buttocks off !

    As a pet owner, Pod-Pet Cloning Contract really does sound great :)

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